Will you acknowledge authenticity
About a year ago, I wrote an essay called "Where has authenticity gone?" I defined authenticity by what other people see in us. Authenticity is not something we do. It comes from somewhere inside us. Authenticity is an intimate expression of who we are. It's our “being” in action.
Teaching about Authenticity
Last fall I taught a leadership course in the online UMass MBA program. Each week we explored a different facet of leadership. The students’ assignment during “authenticity week” was to identify a person at work whom they held as authentic and then to compose a personal note acknowledging his/her authenticity—not a memo or an email but a handwritten note. Think of it as a note inside a blank Hallmark card. While they were not required to send the note, I did encourage them to share with the person they were acknowledging.
Student Assignment
One of my students, Allison, a West Point graduate, is a captain in the Army stationed in Afghanistan. The person she chose to acknowledge is a Slovakian captain, assigned to a US and British headquarters, with whom she has been working for the past six months. Here are excerpts from her note:
Dear Stan-
I am writing this note to tell you that I think you have been the most authentic individual I have met during my deployment to Afghanistan. Being a non-English speaker in an English speaking headquarters I know has been a challenge for you.
Regardless of the language barrier, your performance, leadership and commitment to the mission have been outstanding. I am privileged to work with you and learn from you over the past 6 months. You are dedicated to the task you have been assigned, no matter how large, small or difficult – if it was assigned to you we knew it would be done.
Through our shared challenges I am proud to call you my friend. You say what you mean, and you keep your word always. I have learned so much from you about honest communication, overcoming challenging and cross cultural information.
You are truly a breath of fresh air!
Your Friend,
Allison
An Unexpected Response
With some encouragement from me, Allison shared her note with Stan. Shortly after that, I received an email directly from Stan. Here are excerpts from his email to me:
Dear Mr. Mangurian,
I have received from Allison a copy of an assignment which was written about me as a “most authentic individual“. I was totally surprised, because I have never received any such words and opinions during my civilian or military life. All is very impressive for me and I analyzed the note word by word.
It was an honor to serve with Allison and I will be till the end of my life her debtor, because without her protection and help I had no chance to survive my 6 month of deployment in Afghanistan. I have never expected that female should be such a great leader as Allison is according to my experiences in Slovak army.
Allison, you are for me the most authentic individual I have ever met during my military career and civilian life. You are for me an example, what a real leader looks like. You taught me how can I change myself as a original company commander to do my job better. Thanks you for all that you have done for me. I hope we stay in contact, because I can call you my friend. I hope that I am the friend for you too.
Stanislav
Capt. and Company Commander
Multifunctional Battalion
Slovak Armed Forces
All of my students wrote touching notes, but few felt comfortable sharing them with the individuals who touched them. Some felt embarrassed, while others were concerned how the subject would react.
Unfortunately, acknowledging authenticity, for many, is an “unnatural act.” We are conditioned to hold our emotions to ourselves. We usually shy away from “straight talk” even when it is positive “straight talk.” What a shame and missed opportunity.
What would it be like if we acknowledged the exceptional people in our lives? Like Allison and Stanislav, I suspect we might discover something positive about ourselves in return.
Pushing the Edge
1. Who in your life do you hold as authentic?
2. How does his/her authenticity affect you and others?
3. Do they know their impact on others?
4. Would you consider acknowledging that person in writing?
5. If yes, please let me know. If not, why not?